Friday, 13 July 2012

Sweet Friday Afternoon: Half-Arsed Weekly News Round-Up

The John Terry racism trial is due to reach its climax as a verdict is expected to be reached today. Terry is accused of blathering some naughty words at Anton Ferdinand during Chelsea’s match against QPR in October last year. In the spirit of assuming innocence until guilt has been proved, I will refrain from speculating on the likely outcome of the racist defender’s trial. Terry’s defence is that he was ‘sarcastically repeating a slur that Ferdinand mistakenly thought he had used.’ No, me neither. If this watertight defence somehow springs a leak, Terry could face a crippling maximum fine of £2,500, which could see him have to sell his £2.25 million house in Surrey and move his family here. So it’s all to play for.

John Terry arriving at court earlier today

But it hasn’t all been going to plan for hapless Terry. Earlier this week he was asked to repeat evidence that he had been sent off four times in his career. “Can you say, please, four times?” requested his QC.

“Please, please, please, please” obediently responded Terry loudly, causing much mirth around the court. Apparently the footballer appeared confused by the response from the courtroom.

On the subject of oddly behaving footballers, Tomas Rosicky and Lukas Podolski took to the stage to showcase their musical talents this week, hoping to entice Robin Van Persie to join them in an ill-advised Arsenal boy-band. Personally, I don’t see how they can top this collection of heart-throbs from Arsenal’s past:

"Hello ladies"

Slightly less bizarrely, the beginning of the week saw two aspiring chefs set fire to their North London flat during an attempt to heat a tin of spaghetti on a toaster. Fortuitously no one was hurt during the crackpot culinary calamity, but the firefighter in charge, Adam Barnett, was not best pleased with the behavior of the miserable flat mates. In a subsequent statement to an indifferent trainee journalist he said It’s never a good idea to try and heat a tin on your toaster, as we’ve seen here, it can be really dangerous.”

Thanks Adam.

And finally, some international news. I nearly choked on my vitamin C tablet when I opened up Tuesday’s Metro to a report that a Dutch TV station had accidentally given Angela Merkel a Hitler moustache. It reminded me of the time that Hollywood accidentally gave Tom Cruise a beard:

No comments:

Post a Comment